countdown is on! and phobia is moving in…

Hey gang,

It’s my last meal out for a while now so I’m taking a moment here to give you a super brief update.

Breast reduction surgery: 10am monday am. I was feeling pretty damn brave until yesterday. Wtf? I know…what happened? All of a sudden I freaked a lil bit. Overthinking ANYTHING is never good. I’m a bit of a wimp with blood and guts and gore. Am I going to look like frankenstein? I’ve gotten ahold of myself since. It’ll be fine. To tell you the truth, I am more freaked out about the IV they put in you before. I know, it’s an unrealistic fear but there you have it. And don’t we all have at least one unrealistic fears? Sure we do. If you say you have not one single inappropriate fear that is not shared by the rest of humanity, you are full of shit. I’m not talking about spiders, death or zombies. I’m talking about weird little things that you can’t shake, no matter how silly they seem to others.

For example…my friend Monica is scared of birds. Buddy Rachel is scared of getting dirt under her nails, Tom can’t fly (he drives his family to California every year for reunion…a trip that takes 2 days vs. 2 hour plane ride). Incidentally, Whoopi Goldberg can’t fly either. Not a total oddity. Joan is scared of worms, Liz is scared of undercooked food, my uncle is scared of ashes, my nephew is scared of dying in his sleep…. bees, cellphones. Stairs, Basements, bridges, overpasses, clowns, bicycles…etc..- could go on. And understand that these are not just little anxieties…these are life or death fears. When I get blood taken or IV, I turn green and start to pass out. It’s embarrassing and scary.

It may seem funny, but when yer the one with the fear it SUCKS. You know it’s ridiculous, but that doesn’t help. It’s like yer mind is saying, “what’s the problem?” But your body is losing it. They are fighting it out and you have no control.

I asked my mum where the fear of needles came from. She said it was probably the root canal by mean Dr Sweeney when I was 10. Totally traumatizing. But who knows? Some people know why, some people don’t. I’m not sure that knowing where it came from helps, but I know that exposing yourself to issue does work.

I’ve had to have a number of them over the years so I have a little chat with myself beforehand, and I gave myself permission to be a bit of a freak about it. I keep my brain busy with other stuff until right before it, then I talk a blue streak to the nurse. It works. Breathing helps too. Someone once told me that we stop breathing when we get really scared. I pay attention to it and try to regulate my breaths.

So monday, I will have the little chat with myself, then with the nurse. I always tell them, “ok, don’t flip out but there is a good chance I will pass out when you put the IV in my arm”. They never believe me, and I always tell them I wasn’t kidding when I do. Ugh.

So if you’ve got a fear that everyone laughs at, own it! It’s yours, you are entitled. Get all sweaty, weird, panicky, and freaked? Yep. Know that it’s just your body protecting itself from what it sees as a threat. Thank yer body. It’s protecting you! Even if the reason seems unrealistic…it’s on your side!

So next time we chat, I’ll be a B cup. Yay! I’ll update you on the way it’s going.



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18 Responses to countdown is on! and phobia is moving in…

  1. Amanda Wright says:

    I know exactly what you mean, I have a very weird fear…here-goes, I’m terrified of public restrooms. And not for the obvious reason, I’m scared of getting locked in and not being able to get out. Which is really bad because my doctor thinks I have Chrohns disease (all signs and symptoms suggest that) and every time I eat within about 30 minutes I’m rushing to the bathroom. It doesn’t matter where I’m at, when it hits me and I think I can’t get there in time, I get upset, which just makes the disease worse. So by the time I get to the bathroom I’m in so much pain I forget about my fear of them. I’ll be praying for your whole ordeal to go smoothly and quickly as well as a fast recovery. Take care Sam and keep us updated. ā¤

  2. Tracy Brzycki says:

    I absolutely can not walk over man holes or those thing in sidewalks with the elevators under them. Kids think im nuts but there it is. I’m always afraid they will collapse. Any way good luck on Monday all positive thoughts coming your way.

  3. revis01 says:

    FYI – Normally about a 1/2 hour before things get moving they give you something to calm you ass down. By the time the IV going in, you don’t even care. Also, I helped a friend realize that insurance paid for this type of surgery. After, she claimed she wished she had the surgery years earlier. You’ll be fine. Take care! Steve

    • samferris says:

      Oh jeeez, I’m hoping they’ll give me something to calm my ass down, but I’m not sure they do that up here. I’ve had a few minor surgeries and no one has offered me that little piece of love. However, this is completely covered by Canadian medical insurance. If it is screwing with your health (back ache, etc…) It’s covered. Thank gawwwd. I’m lucky.

  4. Alex says:

    Best of luck lady. I am just a bit envious of you as I would love to be a B cup again, be able to run without pain, etc. Good for you for making the decision. All the best for a speedy recovery.

  5. You’ll be great, Sam! You’re doing something important to you; that’s all that matters. šŸ™‚ May everything go well for you!

    I’m glad I don’t have a needle phobia; I’ve been doing apheresis — platelet donations — every month for almost ten years. That would be hard if I were twitchy about getting stuck! I’m lucky …

    One amusing thing. I’ve had serious surgery only once — a hysterectomy back in 1998 — and getting the shot that put me under had a weird effect. I have two different, contradictory memories of the last moments before being taken off to surgery: I both remember and don’t remember taking my glasses off and giving them to my Mom to hold! I’d gotten the shot before that moment, and it apparently kicked in precisely then. Wild.

  6. Melissa says:

    Being a B Cup is really great to have.. Hope Your Sugery Goes Well! šŸ™‚

  7. Julie says:

    All the best for Monday!! You’ll do great!

    Personally, I hate clowns! You have no idea who is behind the make-up and silly outfit. They get in your face and are super perky. I’m not a fan of perky! Blood tests don’t bother me. I can watch the needle go in and my blood flow out……no problem at all. I hate flying! HATE IT!!!!!! Need Ativan to fly. It’s a control thing. I’ve driven to Vancouver a few times, spread it out over two days just to avoid a plane. I know it would be faster to fly but I just can’t do it. Last time I flew was 2007, can’t drive to the UK! Oh, and then there’s my little problem with heights!

  8. Gina says:

    Moths and butterflies (which are just colorful moths)!! Creepy insects from Hell I tell you!

  9. Janice says:

    Topical local anaesthetic (“Emla” cream is what we get here in NZ–sometimes hospitals have it as patches, though they don’t usually dole them out except to small children), put on an hour before on the skin where the needle is going to go in, numbs things up enough that I have a MUCH better shot of imagining myself somewhere else when they actually come to do their needle thing. The fear might not be about the pain per se, but with the pain removed/reduced it’s just that much easier to imagine it’s not happening. Is this something you’ve tried?

    [Depending on your general health status, it may also be possible to request a gas induction, which has the benefit of them being able to knock you out first and *then* put in the IV.]

    Something else you’ve mentioned is also a huge problem for me, but I don’t like to advertise that for fear that people will use it against me. šŸ˜

  10. Delma says:

    I’ve already herniated a disk in the last year. Boobs will be the next thing to go. My spirit will be with ya. The darn things have started trying to kill me in my sleep. I thought surgery scared me but after last summer the only things on my scary list are very high places and charming men.

  11. Sultanas freak me out, not the taste, I can’t stand to look at them, for some reason they remind me of woodlice which also freak me out! totally irrational, anyways, good luck for Monday, I’ll be thinking of you and sending love.

  12. Michele says:

    All the best and hopes for a fast recovery! Once you feel the weight literally off your chest, it’s exhilarating! šŸ˜€

    p.s. my fear is getting stung by a bee. Never happened and don’t know if I’m allergic, but every time I see one near I move – slowly – far away. Dunno why they scare me so much. Lol.

  13. ickyemy says:

    Gotta love irrational fears! I have an aunt who won’t use the bathroom on airplanes because she is afraid of being sucked out. I am afraid of deep water, even in lakes and some swimming pools, because of the sharks I feel certain are swimming beneath me. This probably stems from my fear of the shark who lived under my bed as a child. Have you ever read “The gift of fear” by Gavin De Becker? Amazing book about fear and how it helps us.
    Hoping all goes well with your procedure, will think of you on the 28th and send healing thoughts your way.

  14. lel74 says:

    Ventriloquist dummies and scarecrows scare the bejeezus out of me, no idea why, they’re just creepy.
    Good luck with the surgery and I wish you a speedy recovery šŸ™‚

  15. Dana Drabik says:

    My completely irrational fear is balloons. I absolutely hate them! I can’t go into Party City without having a panic attack. It’s not so much the balloons themselves but the fear that they will pop, therefore startling me.

    Same thing applies to getting a static shock. I never touch anything that might produce that kind of electrical transference.

    I also have a problem with door knobs and magazines at the doctor’s office because of the germs but that’s not really a fear as much as it is not wanting to get sick.

    Wow… I’m starting to think there is going to be a lengthy therapy session in my near future. Sheesh!

  16. elena says:

    Think I picked up a few new phobias just from reading this post lol Thanks for the gd read and hope the recovery goes well and the painkillers do the trick

  17. LPR says:

    I sooo know where you are coming from. When I was 3 I was given a spinal tap. My mother said the nurse deliberately showed me the very long needle before it was inserted into my back. Ever since I faint at the sight of them. An IV sends me into a panic. I have to keep the site covered at all times or I’m dizzy and nauseated. I even fainted in a movie theatre when they showed a blood transfusion. There is no end to my embarrassing needle/fainting stories. I hope your procedure went well and your recovery time goes quickly and even more I hope you are so very happy with the results šŸ™‚ Get well soon!

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