It’s my last meal out for a while now so I’m taking a moment here to give you a super brief update.
Breast reduction surgery: 10am monday am. I was feeling pretty damn brave until yesterday. Wtf? I know…what happened? All of a sudden I freaked a lil bit. Overthinking ANYTHING is never good. I’m a bit of a wimp with blood and guts and gore. Am I going to look like frankenstein? I’ve gotten ahold of myself since. It’ll be fine. To tell you the truth, I am more freaked out about the IV they put in you before. I know, it’s an unrealistic fear but there you have it. And don’t we all have at least one unrealistic fears? Sure we do. If you say you have not one single inappropriate fear that is not shared by the rest of humanity, you are full of shit. I’m not talking about spiders, death or zombies. I’m talking about weird little things that you can’t shake, no matter how silly they seem to others.
For example…my friend Monica is scared of birds. Buddy Rachel is scared of getting dirt under her nails, Tom can’t fly (he drives his family to California every year for reunion…a trip that takes 2 days vs. 2 hour plane ride). Incidentally, Whoopi Goldberg can’t fly either. Not a total oddity. Joan is scared of worms, Liz is scared of undercooked food, my uncle is scared of ashes, my nephew is scared of dying in his sleep…. bees, cellphones. Stairs, Basements, bridges, overpasses, clowns, bicycles…etc..- could go on. And understand that these are not just little anxieties…these are life or death fears. When I get blood taken or IV, I turn green and start to pass out. It’s embarrassing and scary.
It may seem funny, but when yer the one with the fear it SUCKS. You know it’s ridiculous, but that doesn’t help. It’s like yer mind is saying, “what’s the problem?” But your body is losing it. They are fighting it out and you have no control.
I asked my mum where the fear of needles came from. She said it was probably the root canal by mean Dr Sweeney when I was 10. Totally traumatizing. But who knows? Some people know why, some people don’t. I’m not sure that knowing where it came from helps, but I know that exposing yourself to issue does work.
I’ve had to have a number of them over the years so I have a little chat with myself beforehand, and I gave myself permission to be a bit of a freak about it. I keep my brain busy with other stuff until right before it, then I talk a blue streak to the nurse. It works. Breathing helps too. Someone once told me that we stop breathing when we get really scared. I pay attention to it and try to regulate my breaths.
So monday, I will have the little chat with myself, then with the nurse. I always tell them, “ok, don’t flip out but there is a good chance I will pass out when you put the IV in my arm”. They never believe me, and I always tell them I wasn’t kidding when I do. Ugh.
So if you’ve got a fear that everyone laughs at, own it! It’s yours, you are entitled. Get all sweaty, weird, panicky, and freaked? Yep. Know that it’s just your body protecting itself from what it sees as a threat. Thank yer body. It’s protecting you! Even if the reason seems unrealistic…it’s on your side!
So next time we chat, I’ll be a B cup. Yay! I’ll update you on the way it’s going.