happy new year

Hey gang.

It’s my last post of 2012 so thought I’d pass on some New Year stuff.

I’m not big on resolutions…they are cliche and when I fail I feel like a failure, but I will say that a friend and I always sit down over a glass of champagne and come out with the things we have learned from the past year or so. Thought I’d pass em on to you.

– don’t take what others say personally. If someone says something that irks you, remember that you have no idea what is going on with them at the time.

– don’t buy clothes that don’t fit. Buying something too small in the hopes that you will lose weight and fit into it NEVER works. I’ve tried that and I have a closet full of expensive stuff with the tags still on. Buy stuff that fits you right now.

– visualize what you want for yourself and your life. Thoughts have power. Do it every day.

– love your body. No matter what. It’s the only one you’ve got. If you love it, it will love you back.

– ‘perfect’ is an imperfect word. It doesn’t exist.

– remove ‘should’s. It is self-defeating. Replace it with ‘could’s and let it go.

– practice patience with your parents. I know they are maddening sometimes (a lot), but they will be gone one day and you don’t want any guilt hanging over you.

– positive thinking. It’s a new muscle for some of us, but if you work on it, you can incorporate it into your life.

– meditate.

– go see Wayne Dyer.

– have sex outdoors at least once in 2013.

– celebrate what you have, don’t lament what you don’t. There is always someone out there who wants what YOU have.

– let go of the past and choose your future. You can re-write who you are every day when you wake up. Who are you going to be today?

– cut back on the games on yer phone. My thumb hurts. That is a sign I’m playing too much Word Mole.

– smile at strangers. You will get far more back that you give out.

– be ok with mistakes. We are here to learn. Life doesn’t come with a manual. If we came here having figured it all out, how boring life would be! Look at them as learning and release them with love and humor.

– read more inspirational stuff, less fiction.

– volunteer for at least one event in 2013. Doing service to others is a miraculous way to connect with life and feel good. Again, you will get way more out of it than you put in.

– clean out your closet. If you haven’t worn it in the last 6 months, you won’t wear it in the future.

– eat less meat. I’m a firm meat eater. You can eat beans and tofu til they are coming out your ears but animal protein is necessary. That is my opinion and my experience (you vegetarians/vegans don’t have to agree and I respect that). My buddy was a vegetarian for 5 years and had a bite of chicken two months ago. She said her body rejoiced like a kid on Christmas. However, I believe that too much red meat is tough on the bod. So cut back on the red, eat the white, some fish, and lots of veggies.

– buy a Dyson vacuum cleaner. Worth the investment. If you hate vacuuming like I do, it will give you some motivation. A bit. Maybe.

– exercise. I know it’s cliche but you don’t have to kill yourself. Exercise has HUGE benefits: better sleep, better mental health, self-esteem, outlook on life, and for those of us who are lacking a certain amount of control in life, it gives you a feeling of control, even if it’s only a small amount. Walk around the block after dinner. Do the stairs instead of the elevator. I hate the gym. Find other ways. Walk with buddies. Do pushups and lift weights in front of the tv. Walk to the store instead of driving…etc….

– accept friends and family they way they are. You can’t pick em sometimes. They are there to teach you patience, unconditional love, and about yourself. You can’t change them so let em be.

– stop needing to be right. Would you rather be happy or would you rather be right? This has been a tough one for me. Sometimes I’d rather be right, but it beats on you after a while. I have learned, with great frustration, that no matter how ‘right’ I may be, or how ‘wrong’ someone else is, you can’t talk someone into your point of view, no matter how hard you try. People hang onto their beliefs like a drowning man on a life preserver. It’s our nature. You are allowed your point of view but so is everyone else. Except it and move on.

– have boundaries and stick by them. It’ll be awkward at first, but the payoff is wonderful.

– say no when you mean no. Again, it will be a bit hard at first and some people in your life are going to rally hard against it, but once you get the hang of it, it feels WONDERFUL. No one is going to break up with you for saying no. And if they do, you didn’t need em in your life.

– take the high road with rude ppl. VERY TOUGH. But you will always win, even if you don’t feel it at the time.

– if you are about to say something questionable, say it three times in your head. If it still makes sense, say it.

– before sending a heated/emotional email. Sit on it for the night before sending it. Read it when you are calm and you’ve had a chance to reflect. That one alone could have saved me some embarrassment if I had only heeded it.

– lower expectations. I’m not saying that you should take less than you deserve, but maybe look at where your expectations lie. If they are too high for peace and happiness, bring em down. Think about if it were someone else. Get perspective. ESPECIALLY when it comes to yourself.

There. Things that I have learned and will try to apply in the year to come.

As for new years eve, I don’t do much. My buddy Pam and I are going to put on our sweatpants, order pizza, and watch the first season of Breaking Bad. Bliss.

Happy New Year, everyone! Here’s hoping that 2013 is filled with laughter, happiness, and peace for all.


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16 Responses to happy new year

  1. Amanda Wright says:

    That’s some great resolutions and advice, I am and have been extremely unhappy for quite some time and I’m not sure why or what to do to fix it. Sometimes I think I know what I need to do in order to be happy and then other times I think it would be a mistake. I’m so confused right now, I lost my job due to medical conditions and not working every day as well as being sick is really taking its toll on me. I’m hoping 2013 will be a better year. Thanks so much Sam and Happy New Year!!!

    • samferris says:

      I’ve been there. Not fun. But maybe cut yerself some slack? I started to get anxious but managed to stop myself. Well, a buddy did (perspective from others, or even just talking about it made it easier), and she said, “what can you do about it right now? Anything? No? Then cut yerself some slack…..(She called me an expletive at the point…tough love friend! Lol). This too shall pass. But until it does, be gentle on yourself. And have faith”. Yer in a tough spot and yer entitled to feel like you do. But watch some tv, catch up on some reading, take up knitting and know that it will get better when it does. 🙂

      • Amanda Wright says:

        My dad tells me all the time that “it is what it is” and if you can change it do it but if you can’t, don’t worry. Thanks so much Sam, sometimes it helps to hear, or in this case read, it from someone who’s been in the same situation, especially when it’s someone famous!!! Again, thanks a bunch!

      • samferris says:

        Haha. ‘Famous’ or not…we all go through the same stuff. You are not alone.

      • Amanda Wright says:

        lol Thanks again! Hey, I actually smiled! Things are looking up 🙂

  2. Laura Boser says:

    Amazing ideas! But just to warn you my gf may send a reply or tweet your way blaming you for having to figure out where in Phoenix we can have sex outside 😉 I agree you should do it we used but we were in our 20’s and my family lived in the country at the time!
    Your ideas are all wonderful I will definitely try to incorporate them into my life for 2013! May you have a wonderful rest of 2012 & enjoy your New Years fun! Hope 2013 is prosperous and filled with laughter & happiness!!!

  3. ickyemy says:

    I don’t think I learned as much as I *could* have this year, but I learned that just showing up is ninety percent of the battle. I learned that my well being is up to me and that I can make my own decisions about what is best for me, too. I am learning to say no and to advocate for myself. I started dry body brushing every day and have noticed numerous health benefits. And I can tell you the mass of a planet based on the orbital speed of its moon(s). 2012 that’s a wrap.

  4. Happy New Year, Samantha!

    It’s always good to read such reassuring posts and ideas to start a new year. I had an awful year and one of the things that actually helped me to go on was to lower my expectations. I needed it in order to don’t feel a failure or even to feel constantly depressed and it did help. I wasn’t thinking low of myself, but in the end, it did help me.

    Other thing I’ve learnt during late ’11/2012 is that I can’t save everybody, as much as I’d like to, but it doesn’t mean that I need to give up on it. I lost my great auntie last year, I was with her since I was born and she was everything to me. I blamed myself for her death, I thought that what I did to help her wasn’t enough and I shut myself completely. I couldn’t see any reason to smile at someone else and it affected me in a way that I had to stop and reflect if that was what she wanted for me – she was a kind person, she taught me a lot about life and kindness and suddenly, I was ignoring it all. I forgot about myself, because I was knee deep in my grieving and I couldn’t see anything else. There was a breaking point, where I could get the wheels again.

    So yes, thank you for this inspirational post and I’ll try to follow everything – specially sex outdoor.MORE than once!

    Happy 2013! xo

    • samferris says:

      Ya, I had a rather awful year myself. But you are right, your aunt would not have wanted you to feel blame or guilt about her death. My buddy Kelli died 3 year ago Christmas Eve (how horrible is THAT?). We had a party for her life and RAGED. I’m talking ridiculous: drunk, singing at the top of our lungs, people hooked up and had sex…. But no guilt, because that is what she wanted. Gotta honor the people who are gone. When something good happens in your life, smile and share it with her. That is the best thing you can do.

      • I never dealed well with death myself and I realized later that she was sticking around because of me, because she was afraid of what i could possibly do. But you are right, we have to honor those who go with something that would make them feel honored and I think that’s the only regret I have now: she would like to listen to us singing her favorite songs, sharing her favorite stories but I took it as a lesson – everything is a lesson to me, somehow.

        I’m sorry for your friend… Now I know that we should celebrate life, that’s how they’d love us to do and to go on – of course we’ll miss them a lot, but no regrets, no guilt and never forgeting what they’ve meant to us.

  5. elena says:

    looks like I’m sharing the same boat with much of what you wrote…good reflections…especially the one about family

  6. risenshine22 says:

    I’m designing a diary for 2013 and was looking for some motivational quotes when I stumbled upon this – can I just use yours instead? They totally match my opinion but I need to tell those stuff to myself once in a while, just to remind me! Thank you!
    “Miracles start to happen when you give as much enerergy to your dreams as you do to your fears!”

  7. Ryan says:

    I agree with everything but the Dyson. Invest in a Kirby! Ours has been in the family for over a decade and has only been put in for service once, for a new belt.

  8. spnfans says:

    I have to agree with just about everything you say here, right down to the fact that I love my Dyson as much as I hate vacuuming! The psychologist part of me wants to pass this on to everyone who gets caught up in the ‘shoulds’ and loses sight of their own ‘coulds’, or forgets that perfect isn’t something to aspire to — after all, would any of us really *like* a perfect person? Probably not.

    We had the pleasure of interviewing you for our book on fandom and Supernatural several years ago, and have never forgotten some of the insights you shared and the encouragement you gave us to keep writing. That book will be coming out next year, including some of those insights from you – let us know if you’d like a copy. And thank you! Lynn and Kathy (@FangasmSPN).

  9. Sandra says:

    I hit a really deep dark place mid year and been clawing my way out since, like you said sometimes you just gotta bawl and if there’s no-one there to hug you well you find a way to start loving yourself cos if you can’t be happy being you there’s not much chance of finding it elsewhere, it’s tough and I still have more bad days than good, but 2013 is turn around and the only one who can change my life is me so wish me luck and I’ll wish you all a very HAPPY New Year!!

  10. ickyemy says:

    Also, in the spirit of not caring what other people think, I am going to start writing again. And not just on your blog 😉 I was in a pretty exclusive writers group at one of the colleges in town for well over a year. Then, one sunny day in July, a group was hosted where attendees were invited to bring some liquid courage to the afternoons discussion. I was nervous, because of some of the subject material, because of the hottie sitting next to me, because of all the talented writers, most of whom are at least fifteen years my senior, including several professors. Can you guess where this is going? I drank too much, talked too much and generally made an ass of myself. I was asked to leave the group. I haven’t written anything since. But it’s time to move on. I love writing and if nothing else, life has given me one hell of a story to tell. Thanks for taking the time to share your insights. You inspire me. Literally. I am writing a first person satirical piece about twitter and parasocial relationships, it opens with my favorite celebrity blocking me and ends with same celebrity later following me. By accident.

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